Thursday, August 4, 2011

What’s So great about Black love? : Interracial Dating in America

When I was 5 years old at PS 249 in brooklyn, New York, there was a little boy at my school named Anthony. He was cute and I liked him. He was my very first “boyfriend”. He broke up with me only a day after we started going steady because this little boy named Cory told him that I had cooties. When I was 12 years old I have a crush on this boy named Anthony ( hmm.. may its just the name I’m attracted too).

It never went anywhere because when I was 12, I was a dog. ( It was my awkward stage in life. One boob was bigger than the other. I didn’t know what to do with my hair and I had zero fashion sense) When I was 15 I started dating a guy named Michael. He was my first real boyfriend. I presented you with my early dating history because it is relevant to my point.

These boys/ men were not black. Not one. I HAVE dated black men since Michael and I broke up but I’ve also dated Asians and Latinos and more White guys. I DO NOT feel obligated to date black men because I don’t feel like I owe them anything. I’m not a black man basher. I believe that there are many black men who are worth it. I believe that they are intelligent and they have potential beyond belief. I believe that they can bring just as much to the table as any other “race”. But I do not feel like I have to only date black men to prove this point.

I was dating a man named T and he never believed that I would marry a black guy. He often said that I was white. When we finally did break up ( because I got tired of being ignored by someone who claimed they wanted to marry me) He made a snarky comment about just how long I was waiting to do it and how he hoped I was happy with my white boys. I also have a friend that theorizes that I date other races because I want my children to have a certain look.

I have another black male friend that believes I date interracially because I have been hurt by too many black men and i’m just bitter. ( The reality is.. I date guys whose personality traits don’t really mesh with mine. Two agressive people can’t be in a relationship together. Someone is going to feel as if they are suffocating and that someone is usually me.)

So lets talk statistics. Several studies have found that Black men are more likely to DATE interracially than any other group of men. It also found that Asian women were more likely to date interracially than any groups of women. Black women and Asian Men are the least likely to to be desired for interracial relationships. ( Maybe black women and Asian men should get together.. I promise the stereotypes aren’t true) ;-)

So I’m asking: if Black men, in general, do not feel obligated to commit to a black woman why should women? We are always talking about how black love is beautiful and expect that women stick to that line while men don’t have to. This is a terrible double standard. I say that people should date who ever makes them happy. However, I find it problematic when people date outside their race because they believe that there is lack within it.

I date outside my race because I believe that I can not limit my options if I want to find the best person for me. I date black men and white men and Asian men and Latinos and Ameri-Indian men and Multiracial men. I date who ever i am compatible with. Because after all its compatibility, SES and communication that determine the success or failure of a relationship.If you like dating black people then cool. If you like dating White people then cool. I do not believe that anyone has the right to criticize those who date interracially.

The final point I’d like to make has to do with the quote from the video. If you genuinely believe that black women who date interracially do it because they think “Black men aint S***” then maybe you should examine your self and ask why this is your thinking. Sometimes we project our feelings onto others so that we can make ourselves feel better about certain situations. If you feel as if you are lacking then do things to better yourself. ( Just a side note… Black men and women OVERWHELMINGLY choose each other.. so this whole blog could potentially be moot)

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