Saturday, October 13, 2007

How women love

She will die,
If he love her not;
And she will die,
Ere she makes her love known.
Shakespeare,
Much Ado About Nothing.

Women need to be loved, they have to be loved, they want to be loved, they have to be told that they are loved, and it's almost with desperation that they constantly have to hear the words 'I love you' said to them all the time. That's why special events like Valentine's Day, anniversaries, New Year's Eve, are so important and special to women.

That's also why women clamour to get married, not just for the marriage, but to show the world that someone loves them enough to marry them. For them, it showcases that the man loves them, it shows the world that they are loved and not left on the shelf like some forgotten loaf of bread, squeezed up, felt up, picked up, but never embraced and taken home. Ah, the essence of love, so important to a woman, and indeed, it makes her whole. But even with all this craving for love, it is not pure, in the giving or the taking.

I can categorically say that the only true love is that of a dog, yes, a dog. That simple yet noble canine, whether it be mongrel or mutt, cur or class, poor or pedigree, it will love you until the day it dies and asks for nothing in return. Even when you chase it out of the house or forget to feed it, or whip it for bad behaviour, a dog's love is pure and unconditional. Not so with people though, and especially women, who demand love which invariably comes with a price, a huge bill, a mortgage of the soul. Men do love also, but with a difference. A woman's love starts in her heart, a little flicker of a flame, and from there it builds either from an illusion, something that she used to dream of as a child, or it grows from a reality into an inferno..usually after the sex act.

That's right folks, things will be going along quite fine with you and the lady until you have sex with her. For to have reached that stage to give her body to you, means that she has to love you. After all, women can't have sex without feelings, without love, or so the story goes. If that is so, will someone please explain to me why Jamaica is the 'jacket' capital of the world, based on last week's Sunday paper report which stated that over a third of men tested for paternity are not the fathers of their children? I guess women need to be loved so desperately that they love often.

So after she has made the supreme sacrifice of giving up her most prized possession, she now expects that you must love her back with equal commitment and fervour. After that first act, it is so important to her that you call her back. The worst thing that you could do to a woman is have sex with her and never call her again. After giving up her love, she now wants it reciprocated, and not calling her back is a sign of rejection and means that the love is not returned. Remember what they say, "Hell hath no fury like a woman spurned." Nothing about men's fury if spurned, and this is a statement that's hundreds of years old.

This is magnified even more during the act, for she will insist that the man repeat the words, "I love you, I love you," all the time. Sometimes she will insist on hearing it before, during and after." Tell me you love me, tell me you love me, please." Very few women, if any, will meet a man and just ask him if he loves her, from the get go.

But just you wait until they have consummated the relationship and she will want to know, "Cedric, yu luv me?" If the man is smart, he had better tell her too, or his future will not be pleasant. Men will say, "I love you," just to get sex, while women will have sex just to hear the words, "I love you." It does sound simplistic and trite, but tell that to Hallmark Cards or the Valentine's Day Industry or the flower shops who have a million or more ways of telling women that they are loved. "Show her how much you love her by giving her this five-carat diamond ring from Zales." "Tell her you love her with a card from Hallmark." "Show her you love her with flowers." Women always have to know that they are loved, and men always have to prove it. It can be a mighty expensive endeavour.

Because women love so deeply and with fervent passion, they expect the same from men, and sadly, it's never returned equally. Oh sure, many men will fake it, but deep down it's a different type of love. Men don't go around insisting that women tell them "I love you" all the time, even during sex. In fact, the man would much rather hear her scream out the Almighty's name rather than those meaningless words. And they are meaningless, for words spoken without the deeds to back them up are worthless.

So having loved the man, and established in her mind that the man loves her back, she will now exact her pound of flesh. Remember, a dog will love and ask nothing in return, but a woman wants everything for her precious love. With her love comes a contract that few men can fulfil. First of all, he has to love her back equally, which means giving up his life for her. After all, she gave up her life for him. She dropped all her friends, male and female, perhaps even her family, plus she erased her past, leaving the present and future to be with him alone.

For the simple act of loving the man, she now expects that he must do the same for her. "Imagine, I gave up my life and my career for you to love and cherish you. Why can't you do the same for me?" So it's bye-bye football in the evenings, bye-bye hanging out with dem boys till late hours, bye-bye any contact with female friends, past, present or future. Very rarely have I heard a woman say to her man, "Honey, I need some space, why don't you go out with your friends?" If you hear those words, pack up and leave and keep on walking, for she doesn't love you anymore. Womanspeak for 'space' means 'leave'.

But if she truly loves you, she wants you all to herself, all the time, every waking hour, before you leave for work, as soon as you come home, every phone call that you make or receive, every breath you take, every move you make. That's the price men pay for being loved by women. The plain truth is, a woman who loves a man does not believe in space, and assumes that when a man says that he needs space, it's because he doesn't love her, or wants to be with another woman.

But that's because that's the way that she thinks, so she assumes that's how men think too. Men do love, and deeply too, but we believe in balance. "Honey, I do love you, but I also love my car, my stereo system, my time with my friends, my evening football, my time alone.yes sweetheart, I do happen to love myself too." Men can multitask with their love, while women love full hundred, and can never and will never understand that the man does not love them any less just because he wants to do other things or loves other pastimes. "Is must some other woman you want to go to...bout yu need space."

With the woman's love comes jealousy, which goes hand in hand with all of the above. With her love, she is now jealous of anything else in the man's life. Heck, I even know of cases where wives are jealous of the relationship between their husbands and the children. That's how far they will go.

When a woman loves, she expects this love to be constantly nurtured, fed, watered, fertilised and groomed, both by the words and by the deeds. The man had better do things to show that he loves her, plus say it often too. Say it with flowers, say it with diamonds, say it with jewellery, say it by paying rent, but just make sure that it's expressed. For some strange quasi-scientific, quasi-emotional reason, this love diminishes in equal proportion to when the man stops giving or expressing his love.

A woman's love runs deep, but the price that men have to pay goes deep too. Don't get me wrong, it's great to be loved by a woman, and men do love too, but our demands are not as great. Just a regular supply of sex and we'll be happy. More time.

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