Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Are White Girls Taken Advantage of?


One of the biggest Stereotypes concerning white girl/black guy IR relationships is that the white girl is usually being used or manipulated by the black guy she is dating. Well from my experience being around many IR daters, I find this to be untrue. In fact, I would go as far as to say that the opposite has been true in most of the relationships Iv seen. Yes there are men out there that look to manipulate women with fragile self esteems and no sense of self worth, but this can happen to women of any color. As I stated, Iv seen more instances where the white girl is getting the better of the relationship as far as gifts,money, and other items. This can happen for a variety of reasons , but unfortunately one is that some black men feel white women or women of nationalities other than there own are the ultimate prize. Like rapper Kanye West jokingly said in his hit song Gold Digger,”After he get on he’ll leave yo ass for a white girl.” Even as the beneficiary of such men’s adoration, I find this mentality to be disturbing. I don’t want to be some guys trophy because of his own self hating issues. Who cares what he buys me!!!

Even though I find this stereotype to be untrue, I will say that black men seem to be more willing to lie about the nature of their relationship with women in general. For instance, maybe his friends are giving him a hard time about dating a white girl. He might feel the need to lie and say,”Well Im only with her because she pays for everything and lets me drive her car.” When in actuality he might be the one paying for most things and letting her drive his car. Even in the celebrity world, this stereotype doesn’t hold true. From Khloe/Lamar, Hank/Kendra, or Ice-T and Coco, it doesnt look like any of these white girls are getting used or taken advantage of. In fact I would say their celebrity black male significant other treats them very well. Of coarse we can never really know the true nature of their relationships, but outward appearances suggest that these celebrity black males treat their white girlfriends/wives very well. So what do you guys think about this stereotype, do you find it often to be true?

Sunday, September 4, 2011

White Man Dating Black Woman – 3 Tips For Successful Interracial Dating


OK, here it is – I have some real useful information for a white man dating black woman. I am not talking about just any old date with a black woman. I am talking about the most beautiful African American woman.

Right, my plan, for a white man dating black woman, is to lay out some simple techniques that will empower you with the skills to get the attention you deserve from the hottest black woman and really win in dating. These techniques will be broken down in three steps.

Here are the tips:

1) Stand Out From The Crowd: The first thing you need to do as a white man dating black woman is make sure you stand out. You see the issue is the hottest black women get a lot of looks. They know they are hot! So do not just be another wolf whistling clown!

So what do I mean? Well if you are shouting out to her and boring her with the predictable lines you are finished, period! So instead of the male ego, show her you are real man with a sincere heart. Approach her and just be a real white man dating black woman.

2) Tell Her What She Wants To Hear: Once you have shown that you are different, now you compliment her on how good she looks. She will be more receptive now that you have broken the initial barrier, are you with me?

Do not over do it though with the typical white man dating black woman zeal, just a few subtle compliments to make her feel stunning.

3) Tell Her You Will Be Taking Her Out: Now that you have passed the first few crucial tests for a white man dating black woman, you need to step up to the next level. You need to show here you can be confident and assertive. Instead of begging her for a date, tell her you will be taking her out next week.

What do I mean by that? Well, it is simple. Stunning black women have the pick of the bunch. This means that they are in high demand. With that comes hard work simply because they can afford to be picky and choose the best white man dating black woman prospect. Believe me if you had women chasing you on a daily basis, even you would get sick of it! Are you with me?

The only way to stand a remote chance of dating stunning Ebony women is to do something different from the rest. You need to make her feel that there is something unique about you. With that in mind, here is a bonus tip to help you achieve that:

Bonus Tip) Black Woman In Distress Technique:

This is a sneaky little trick that just works. It is a bit childish to be perfectly honest, but who cares! The main thing is that you want to get a sexy black woman and stand out from the crowd. Basically you get one of your friends to help you. He needs to approach a great looking African American woman on your behalf. However he is going to do everything wrong. What do I mean? Well he is going to act like a nerd and make life easier for you.

All you need to do is approach them and intervene. Tell him to get lost and ask the lady if she’s OK. Now you have won major points in her mind and you have not approached her like any other. You just have to relax and be yourself from now on, the hard work is all done.

Trust me she will love your confidence and leadership. All you need to do now as a white man dating black woman, is be yourself on the date because all the hard work has been done.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I Met My Match ONLINE

A friend had told me about the InterracialFriends site, so last Aug/Sept, i thought why not put a profile up and see what happens. I had been on my own for most of the last 10years, and living in Australia thought it would be virtually impossible to find a perfect man..

thankfully he found me! Michael's membership was just about to expire and he saw my pic and thought he would send me a message even though i'm half way round the world. I had only been registered for about 2 weeks, and i really liked his profile and what he was about so i replied. We sent messages back and forth for a week, then started emailing each other. It was funny as one day he had asked me "do u have that accent?" so i replied, "give me your number and i will call u", and i did. We continued to talk on the phone just as friends. I had a vacation booked to the USA in October, but unfortunately was only going to LA and Vegas, and couldnt make it to Tenn where Michael lives. However when i was on my vacation a dear friend tragically passed away, and i was so upset and alone.

Michael said "well u could always come to Tenn", and i thought u know what, im gonna do it! So i jumped on a plane to Nashville and instantly we clicked and had the most awesome weekend. When i got home, we spoke on the phone every single day since October, and we started planning for our next visit. I booked another vacation on May 15, to meet his family, daughter and spend quality time with him. I just got home yesterday, and it was incredibly hard to leave him again, but it will only be temporary, as i have come back to Australia to make plans to relocate my children and i, as soon as i can afford to. We had the most perfect 3 weeks together and the absolute highlight was Sat May 30, we went to BB King Blues Club in Nashville (the place of our first date last year), for my birthday. Michael surprised me with a stretch hummer, and then on our way he proposed! We are planning on a simple wedding, as we have both been married before, as soon as i move to USA. He is the most wonderful, sweet man, and i feel so blessed that he sent that first message. As corny as it sounds, I know we really are 'soulmates'. Thankyou to the InterracialFriends service, as without it, we would never have had the chance to meet. Nicole


Advice to other members:

take a risk ... just send a message to someone, u have nothing to lose ... but everything to gain


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Dating a Black Man; Should You Pursue It?

Remember when Mom would have died if you were dating a black man and brought him home for dinner to meet the family? Interracial dating was completely unheard of. White women didn't date black men. If they did, they certainly kept it to themselves.


Fortunately, dating a black man is a big deal anymore. There is hope for women who cannot help their affections leaning more in that direction.

Since the 50s and the Civil Rights Era, we have become more attuned to interracial dating as a society. Dating a black man is not as dramatic as it was.

Chances are you can get mom and dad to be okay with your choices in dating a black man. They may not necessarily agree with it.

These days, people clearly see the value that the differences in culture and personality bring to a relationship rather than the drawbacks attributed to the associated differences. Of course, when you date anyone of any different culture than yours, dating black man, white man, or Asian man, you stand the chance of nasty or ignorant small talk and gossip that can ruin the atmosphere.

Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can do about it; these are the actions of other people you can control. Face the truth that you guys might be the topic of a few conversations. The sooner you both realize it, the better off you will be if you pursue a relationship.

The hardest part of dating a black man might have something to do with the relatives.

Friends are one thing, but family is a whole other story altogether. It is the difficult part of interracial dating.

Both of you need to face the facts and realize that you are either going to be upfront about your relationship. By dating a black man, when you suspected they might not approve, you are accepting the fact that your family may not agree with your choice.

What you can do is explain the situation to them as respectfully as you can. As an adult, whether or not you want to date a black man, blue man or green man is entirely up to you.

Your parents will not agree with many of the decisions you make. Your siblings or even your own children might not agree, either.

You need to stand your ground, be a woman, and go after your own happiness. If it is meant to be, the rest will fall into place.

Good does come from dating sites - InterracialFriends.com

Randall, sent me a smile/wink around the third week of November 22, 2009, we corresponded through several emails for four days, we exchanged telephone numbers and spoke on a Sunday afternoon, November 27-28 for several hours. At the time I lived in Nashville and he lives in Knoxville. About three weeks after talking and sending emails, he came up to Nashville to meet me, that was December 16,-17th 2009.

I knew he was OK because Shadow, my dog, did not bark and growl, he just woofed a time or too.Shadow was jealous because Shadow swatted him on his leg with his paw and he picked up a pillow and shook it it like a rag doll, which we still talk and laugh about.Shadow has since died.

He stayed at my house, against the advisement of my friends, but in my heart ,I knew he was not a bad person, he didn't make any moves to become intimate on our initial visit, THAT'S when I knew he has morals.

I have attached a picture of both of us, as mentioned in a previous email, we are still dating and I'm patiently waiting on him to give me a bling- bling..lol

We are both no longer members of this dating site, however with all the negatives you hear about dating sites, in this occasion, I believe that good does come from dating sites. Thanks to InterracialFriends.com!

Advice to other members:

We are both no longer members of this dating site, however with all the negatives you hear about dating sites, in this occasion, I believe that good does come from dating sites.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

IRF has helped me to meet some nice BLACK men!

I still have not met this person, but we have been corresponding for about 2 1/2 months, 3 weeks emailing each other and 5 weeks talking on the phone and we have become good friends. We are finally going to meet each on Sat. June 12th. We are both very excited and we both know this relationship has a future. We have talked about marriage and what are thoughts and feelings are, but we have not talked about us getting married...not yet! I don't know if it's possible to have strong feelings for someone you have not yet met, but we do have feelings for each other and their is a strong knowing inside for both of us that we need and want to be together.

I'm so very happy!!!! I will let IRF know the outcomes!!!

Thank-You for this Website, it has helped me to meet some nice men, but this guy IS MY GUY!!!! Thanks once again!!!

Heather Chijiinweh :)

View more interracial love stories on InterracialFriends.com

About Succeeding in an Interracial Relationship

Bridging the gap between races and giving them a place wherein they can start to understand each other much better is one of the many benefits that the internet was able to provide us. The results of this can be seen all over the world today and that is through the many individuals who are having an interracial relationship. Some of the most common examples of this type of relationship would be Asians and Americans, as well as black and white Americans. In a way, people from all over the world today no longer see race or ethnicity as a barrier for forging genuine relationships. Now this is really a good thing because we now have a way to show the world that people can truly understand each other and that we can forge a much better future through this.

Now if you are someone who is really interested in finding your very own interracial relationship then you would need to prepare yourself for the many challenges that are ahead of you. There are a lot of factors that you would need to deal with so that you can attain the success that you desire with such a venture. Of course there are ways for you to prepare yourself and being mindful of them can significantly help you out and pretty much make things easier on you as well. Here are the things that you need to consider if you would want to attain success in an interracial relationship.

Respecting culture and traditions is one of the very first things that you need to learn how to do. This is really vital if you would want to understand your partner and ultimately be a part of their world. Of course this goes both ways and that is why it is very important that both of you are able to keep an open mind on the differences that you may have in this matter. Now there is really no need to rush in this because you may easily get shocked on things especially if there is really a huge gap between you and your partner when it comes to culture. The best way to deal with this is to slowly introduce each other on your respective worlds. You would not only be able to understand and take in the different cultures that you both have, but appreciate them much better.

Another way for couples who are having an interracial relationship to understand each other much better would be to make full use of their common interests. These interests that you share should be treated as a common ground wherein both of you would be able to understand each other clearly and start to build the foundations that you need for your relationship. Once both of you have a full grasp of the interests that you share, you can then work up to the differences that you have in this matter. It would surely open up more opportunities for the both of you to maximize your getting to know each other phase and at the same time, build more appreciation towards each other as well.

Interracial Dating Blog - black and white singles looking for interracial relationships!: Interracial Dating Tips - A Personal Experience

Interracial Dating Blog - black and white singles looking for interracial relationships!: Interracial Dating Tips - A Personal Experience

Interracial Dating Tips - A Personal Experience

Is Interracial Dating For You?


Are you considering interracial dating? Well, before you do, you should consider your motives. I've dated inter-racially since 1989; and it has been no more different than when I dated Black men. I wasn't seeking a White man just to have a "pretty baby," which is what most outsiders think. I dated inter-racially because I have always been attracted to White men; but wasn't allowed to earlier due to family pressure. Needless to say, I have grown to accept the consequences of my decisions; and I've not looked back sense.

It hasn't always been easy. I've been rejected by my former boyfriends' family and friends; but I wasn't dating them. Nonetheless, it didn't make our relationship stronger because "he" couldn't handle the pressure. With that said, ask yourself this question: "When the going gets tough, will I stay the course?" Your answer will determine whether inter-racially dating is for you. It isn't an easy road to travel; but if you choose to do so, it is well worth the trip.

So, stay tuned to this blog as it will provide you with some interesting stories of my interracial dating experiences. You are not alone; and it's always a excellent trip when you can take a friend along for the ride - ME!

Please share your comments on this subject as I'm sure there are others out there like me who can handle interracial dating joys and challenges.


Interracial Dating tips (InterracialFriends.com)

For two people in love, it is an established fact that feelings are not racist. It does not matter whether the person whom you want to see in your arms is a Hispanic, Asian, Black or White. The only thing important is the sincerity and honesty in this relationship.

For these people I would like to categorically declare that your soul mate is first a woman or a man. Afterwards the creed and cast differences arise, so please see the scenario from this point of view and you will be able to get along without much hustle bustle. Still keeping in mind some basic points might help us in finding the right combination of feelings and expression for someone with another race or culture.




Simplest and most effective tip:

Ask your partner out. For those of you who think that this works only for partners of their own cultural background, well you are two hundred percent ………incorrect. Simple act of asking out means showing how much you care for your partner and how much importance is there in your heart for him or her. It also is a proof of sacrifice and daring qualities which every man or woman wants to see in his or her partner. However making the move at the right time and with right choice is of paramount importance
Remove racism from your thoughts

Once you get over with the differences of race, your partner will have absolutely no problem doing so. Trust me, if you want someone to feel something you can do it very easily. Simple loose talk involving some particular discussion about races and cultural differences is all you need to ruin the party. So stop going back to differences and find the similarities.
Be the person with the right intellectual level

People with more often than not meet people of similar or higher mental caliber and like them. Even if there are other differences involved, a superior mental and emotional caliber is what is going to attract others. You do not need to do this just to get your soul mate interested. In fact this is something that you should do to groom up yourself. The differences between other people’s approach and their increased acceptance level are going to be the testimony to my suggestion.

Be honest

What matters for any long term relationship is the sincerity and honesty of its involved partners. No matter how charming your partner is or how beautiful you think that he or she is, in a long term scenario these things are bound to become lesser important. The differences in opinion may have a shade on your thinking about your spouse but if honesty prevails then there is nothing better than that.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Interracial Dating Attitudes Among College Students

Six-hundred-twenty university students completed an anonymous confidential questionnaire designed to assess attitudes toward interracial dating. Almost one fourth (24.2%) reported having dated interracially and almost half (49.6%) expressed an openness to become involved in an interracial relationship. Blacks, cohabitants, and those with previous interracial dating experience were significantly more likely to express an openness to become involved in an interracial relationship. Implications for university faculty, therapists, and students are suggested.

Although the marriages of Quincy Jones (musician), Charles Barkley (professional basketball player) and Roger Ebert (film critic) are interracial, less than 5% of all marriages in the United States are interracial (Statistical Abstract of the United States: 1998). This relatively low percentage of interracial marriages has been stable for decades. However, increased individualism, tolerance for diversity, and greater minority enrollment in colleges and universities may result in more approving attitudes of college students toward interracial relationships. This study focused on attitudes and behaviors of college students regarding interracial relationships.



Data
The data consisted of 620 never married undergraduates from five first year level sociology courses at East Carolina University who voluntarily completed an anonymous questionnaire designed to assess the respondent's openness to become involved in an interracial relationship. Among the respondents, 63% were women; 37% were men. Eighty-percent were first year students and sophomores; twenty percent were juniors and seniors. The median age was 19. Respondents were predominately white (87%) and African-American (8.5%) with 1% Hispanic and 3.6% "other". About half (51.7%) were casually dating while the other half (48.3%) were involved in a reciprocal love relationship. Ten months was the median number of months respondents reported dating their current partner.

Items 17 and 18 on the 24 item questionnaire were "I am open to involvement in an interracial relationship" and "I have dated someone of another race." Respondents were asked to respond on a continuum- Strongly Agree, Agree, Disagree, Strongly Disagree. The category Neither Agree nor Disagree was also an option. Responses to Strongly Agree and Agree were combined as were responses to Strongly Disagree and Disagree. Individuals who circled Neither Agree nor Disagree were eliminated from the analysis. Five-hundred and twenty-two respondents acknowledged an agree or disagree position on being open to interracial dating. Five-hundred and eighty-three respondents reported that they had or had not dated interracially.

Findings and Discussion

Almost half (49.6%) of the respondents reported that they were open to involvement in an interracial relationship. Almost a quarter (24.2%) said that they had dated someone of another race. While there were no significant differences in sex (women vs men) or university rank (freshman, sophomore, junior, senior) between those who were open to interracial involvements and those who were not, there were significant differences in regard to race, cohabitation experience, previous interracial dating experience and openness to cohabit.

1. Race. Blacks were twice as likely as whites (83% vs 43%) to report that they were open to involvement in an interracial relationship. This finding was significant (p [is less than] .0000) suggesting that this difference would occur by chance less than one time in one hundred thousand. Previous researchers have documented the greater acceptance of blacks versus whites for interracial relationships (Rosenblatt et al., 1995). Explanations include more benefits from blacks joining the majority than vise versa, the greater number of whites available to blacks than vise versa, and the greater exposure of blacks to the white culture than vise versa. Finally, black mothers and white fathers have different roles in the respective black and white communities in terms of setting the norms of interracial relationships.

In many black families, mothers play the key role in accepting or not accepting an interracial relationship, much more than in white families. In white families, fathers were more often major players, as were siblings, grandparents, and other kin..."If women respond more often with openness and efforts to relate and less often with prejudice to the relationship choices of sons and daughters, then the fact that the crucial person in black families is most often a woman means there may be more acceptance of a family member's entry into an interracial couple" (Rosenblatt et al., 1995, 118).

2. Cohabitation Experience. Sixty percent of the college students in this sample who had lived together expressed an openness to become involved in an interracial relationship. Forty-seven percent of those who had not lived together expressed a similar willingness. This difference in cohabitants versus non-cohabitants over willingness to date interracially was statistically significant (p [is less than] .05). Both cohabitation and dating interracially are non normative behaviors. It is not surprising that students that elect to engage in non mainstream behavior in one area express this tendency in other areas.

3. Interracial Dating Experience. Ninety-two percent of the respondents who reported having dated interracially were open to doing so again. Only 32% of those who had not dated interracially were open to interracial involvement. This finding was statistically significant (p [is less than] .0000). The finding that exposure encourages acceptance is not unusual. Similar phenomenon in regard to racial attitudes has been documented (Hallinan and Teizeira, 1987; Homans, 1950; Slavin, 1979).

Summary and Implications

Almost half of the college students in this sample were open to involvement in a relationship with someone of another race. Almost a quarter had done so. Such openness to interracial dating is characteristic of both women and men and students of all academic ranks. Persons who are black, experienced in living together, and who have dated interracially are particularly approving of interracial involvement.

This study provides information for university students, faculty, and counselors about interracial dating as a part of the college experience. Racial barriers are, indeed, coming down as students test for themselves interracial relationships. Unique issues/benefits/problems related to these relationships await new research.




Thursday, August 4, 2011

What’s So great about Black love? : Interracial Dating in America

When I was 5 years old at PS 249 in brooklyn, New York, there was a little boy at my school named Anthony. He was cute and I liked him. He was my very first “boyfriend”. He broke up with me only a day after we started going steady because this little boy named Cory told him that I had cooties. When I was 12 years old I have a crush on this boy named Anthony ( hmm.. may its just the name I’m attracted too).

It never went anywhere because when I was 12, I was a dog. ( It was my awkward stage in life. One boob was bigger than the other. I didn’t know what to do with my hair and I had zero fashion sense) When I was 15 I started dating a guy named Michael. He was my first real boyfriend. I presented you with my early dating history because it is relevant to my point.

These boys/ men were not black. Not one. I HAVE dated black men since Michael and I broke up but I’ve also dated Asians and Latinos and more White guys. I DO NOT feel obligated to date black men because I don’t feel like I owe them anything. I’m not a black man basher. I believe that there are many black men who are worth it. I believe that they are intelligent and they have potential beyond belief. I believe that they can bring just as much to the table as any other “race”. But I do not feel like I have to only date black men to prove this point.

I was dating a man named T and he never believed that I would marry a black guy. He often said that I was white. When we finally did break up ( because I got tired of being ignored by someone who claimed they wanted to marry me) He made a snarky comment about just how long I was waiting to do it and how he hoped I was happy with my white boys. I also have a friend that theorizes that I date other races because I want my children to have a certain look.

I have another black male friend that believes I date interracially because I have been hurt by too many black men and i’m just bitter. ( The reality is.. I date guys whose personality traits don’t really mesh with mine. Two agressive people can’t be in a relationship together. Someone is going to feel as if they are suffocating and that someone is usually me.)

So lets talk statistics. Several studies have found that Black men are more likely to DATE interracially than any other group of men. It also found that Asian women were more likely to date interracially than any groups of women. Black women and Asian Men are the least likely to to be desired for interracial relationships. ( Maybe black women and Asian men should get together.. I promise the stereotypes aren’t true) ;-)

So I’m asking: if Black men, in general, do not feel obligated to commit to a black woman why should women? We are always talking about how black love is beautiful and expect that women stick to that line while men don’t have to. This is a terrible double standard. I say that people should date who ever makes them happy. However, I find it problematic when people date outside their race because they believe that there is lack within it.

I date outside my race because I believe that I can not limit my options if I want to find the best person for me. I date black men and white men and Asian men and Latinos and Ameri-Indian men and Multiracial men. I date who ever i am compatible with. Because after all its compatibility, SES and communication that determine the success or failure of a relationship.If you like dating black people then cool. If you like dating White people then cool. I do not believe that anyone has the right to criticize those who date interracially.

The final point I’d like to make has to do with the quote from the video. If you genuinely believe that black women who date interracially do it because they think “Black men aint S***” then maybe you should examine your self and ask why this is your thinking. Sometimes we project our feelings onto others so that we can make ourselves feel better about certain situations. If you feel as if you are lacking then do things to better yourself. ( Just a side note… Black men and women OVERWHELMINGLY choose each other.. so this whole blog could potentially be moot)